'50 Shades of Phrasing' - 50 Shades of Gray: Movie Review

Review Written by Anthony Tyson. February 18, 2015 

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When I went to see 50 Shades Of Grey this weekend, I knew what I was getting into. A movie where the appeal would be biased on the "taboo" nature of the films morally grey (see what I did there?) plot and the fact that it is a bit controversial. I knew I had to review it, as it would be talked about , and I found myself curious as to what the hell the phenomenon was all about. As my goal was to review it, I found myself with a strange feeling as I got out of the theater Saturday night: I didn't want to talk about it. Much like the Creepy Uncle you have in the family, it's the sort of thing you laugh at and discuss how weird he is with friends. With acquaintances however, you never want to admit you have one. I found this movie so terrible, that I wanted to try and convince myself that I didn't see it. Now that I have had a few days to process my guilt, I find that I can stomach up the admission and finally write a review. As there is hardly anything redeemable about this travesty, this will be more a rant then a review admittedly. Here is a list of things I hate about the movie:

Terrible Dialogue 
When the lines that you remember from the movie are "I want to fuck you into next week", "I don't make love. I fuck HARD", and "laters baby"; you know you have witnessed something truly awful.

Complete Lack of Plot Development 
Grey started out as a twisted billionaire and ended a twisted billionaire. Anastasia started out as sheltered meek girl and ended a meek girl. The only thing that changed was the sheltered part, as she started out a virgin in the beginning of the film.

Lack of focus on characters
The whole idea of the grey character is the set-up that he is a damaged individual. That's why he is into S&M. The movie only implies this however, and never fully explains it. With the end scene in mind, Anastasia's character seemed to not gain anything either: the only change being a physical one. The character of Ms. Robinson (The Graduate reference?) is never shown, and she was the character I most wanted to see! Her setup as the "teacher" of Grey could have been interesting, but they never go anywhere with it.

Twilight Fanfic
E.L. James has even admitted this, but the movie itself seems to almost go out of its way to make this known. There are shots that almost seemed ripped from the first Twilight movie, and when Anastasia and Grey are going through the woods in one of the scenes, it's like you are watching Twilight completely. Hell, the two characters act exactly like Bella and Edward in the movie; almost even look like them, too.

The Ending
Anastasia is beat with 6 lashes and she finally summons up enough sense to leave?! Jesus, I would have gotten the hell out of there a long time ago. Then she goes out to the elevator of the penthouse, both Grey and her say each other's names, door closes, and then roll credits?! Cliche, distasteful, and sequel bating......... I hate this film so much.

Don't see this film.